Naked for Satan [READ]

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      What do empty Coke bottles and being locked out of my room naked have in common?

      Hot and tired, back aching from the long walk, I slide my heavy backpack up to the counter of the ‘hostel’ I’d booked in Krabi, Thailand. I began to tell them I had a booking, and before I’d even finished talking a laminated piece of paper was slammed onto the table in front of me, causing me to jump a little. The paper instructed me to go up the hill to check in, and to come back with the key. A strange set up, I thought, but these things sometimes happen when you backpack…

      Later that day, after I’d bought a couple of bottles of coke from the café below and taken them to my room to drink, a lady who was one of the staff intercepted me and asked for the bottles back. “I’ll bring them down later” I breezily replied, a little confused by the interaction but with all intentions of doing so. In Thailand the shop owners get a tiny bit of money for recycling the empty bottles from the companies when they come to pick them up. 

      Again later they asked me, more aggressively, about the bottles and I began to lose my temper. Holding back, I angrily marched upstairs thinking “what’s the obsession with the damn coke bottles JESUS?”

      Naked for Satan

      The only sign I could find to identify the place I stayed in

      Instead of immediately bringing down the coke bottles (why should I when they were so rude about it?) I decided to have a shower. Tiptoeing to the shower I hoped no one would see my ass that was sure to be poking from the bottom of my tiny towel. The very same second I clicked my bedroom door closed, I realised I had left my keys inside.

      Embarrassed, I padded downstairs to ask for the spare key. I expected a little sympathy, but what I got was shockingly the opposite. The lady barked at me that they are not the reception and I would have to walk the 5-minutes up the hill to get the spare key.

      “Could you please call the reception up the road and ask them to bring the key?” I ask. She visibly laughs in my face and replies “500 baht.”

      500 baht? Are you flipping kidding me? That’s like 15 US dollars! “I’m not paying that, so what do you suggest I do?” I ask, becoming seriously irritated. “You walk! Only five minutes, you walk!”

      This towel I’m wearing is not something I’d parade around the streets in at 27 years’ old so I am not walking up the road in it. I don’t even have underwear on! As I glare at her an unsuspecting guest walks past and I pounce, pleading for him to go up the road and grab me the spare key. He says he will and wanders off.

      Naked for Satan

      Half an hour later it dawns on me that he’s not coming back. This means I must go downstairs to face ‘devil woman’ again. She watches me walk towards her and doesn’t even bother to hide her snicker when she see’s my tiny towel. Casually, she asks me where the coke bottles are…

      Of course they’re in my room and I’m starting to think that this whole façade is my punishment for not bringing the stupid bottles down! I blow up. I loudly exclaim “You know you’re a really mean person!”

      Mean person? What kind of an insult is that? Silly Crystal…

      Either way it appears that she has taken this as an insult and starts to scream back: “No, you are horrible person!”

      “This is not the right way to treat people” I choke, close to tears.

      Whatever she screams back I can’t remember because at this point I’m blind with humiliation and rage. I storm back upstairs and run right into another two guests. Visibly trembling they agree to come back with the spare key, and they do and I get into my room and it’s all sunshine, rainbows and happiness once again…

      READ: The scariest motorbike ride I’ve ever had in Cambodia

      Finally, I stand in the warm shower and ponder my revenge, of which is usually Tripadvisor. But as it appears as though this place has none, so instead I decide that when I check out I am going to take photos of the place and casually mention that I’ll be telling people about it.

      The next day I go downstairs with the thought of sweet revenge still running through my mind. ‘Click’ I take my first photo and at the same moment a Thai police-man with possibly the biggest smile I’ve ever seen bounds over to me, asking me a million casual questions about where I’m from and how I came to end up in Krabbi.

      Naked for Satan

      Trying to take a “stealthy” photo of the Devil Woman

      Slightly put off from my initial job of burning the entire business to the ground, I politely answer his questions. Then the cop sees a camera in my hand and grabs it, telling me to stand next him for a picture.

      Naked for SatanThis is possibly the most awkward moment of my life and I actually wish that I were naked locked out my room again, or anywhere but there right now. I take a picture with him and rush out the door glad to see the back of the place.

      I wonder if they ever told that lovely policeman why I was acting so weird that day in the Café…

      Oh and in case you were wondering… Out of defiance, I never did bring those stupid Coke bottles back down. 

      READ: How to kill a man with your bare hands

      Naked for Satan

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      Location Info

      Place: Krabbi
      Country: Thailand
      Language: Thai
      Currency: Thai Baht
      $1 USD = ฿ 34.30 THB
      I was there: November 2013

      What would you do if you were in the same situation? Would you pay the 500 Baht?

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      Categories: From the Diary, Opinion Piece, Stories, Thailand
      Crystal Egan

      Passionate baby goat cuddler and part-time adventurer, Crystal can often be found doing headstands on the edges of cliffs, taking photos of abandoned buildings or sleeping on deserted islands with dangerous criminals. She has too many awesome stories and helpful tips to keep them all to herself so follow along and in return she will bring you inspiring pictures, travel videos and a whole load of fun!

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